January 30, 2013 by drandmrso
They say the pipes in a plumber’s house are always leaky, a baker never has pastries at home, [insert another witty dichotomy here]. What these phrases hint at is the idea that people don’t like to take work home. You work at work, you home at home. Or something like that. So what happens in the house of a surgeon?
The exact opposite.
The surgeon that I live with brings his work home with him and is forever cutting, sewing, and dissecting, and generally leaving the clean-up work from his exercises to the nurse (read: wife).
Let me show you what I mean.
Here you see a totally viable sock rendered unusable with a series of stitches. This actually went through the wash. Twice. Needless to say, its poor, lonely partner in Dr. O’s sock drawer is dreading its turn under the knife.
Figure B shows the “before” image. Figures C and D are the “after” shots of a particularly dramatic face lift given to my Kindle case. Check out those brows! It’s always excited now! But I’m not! Because I can’t open it!
The specimen above is a blanket that received emergency care in our living room. But why stop at one knot, when thirty will do the job so much better?
This one is a bit hard to make out, but what’s happening here is a pant leg amputation. Minutes before a jorts party (that’s jean shorts party, for those not in the know), one of Dr. O’s friends asked him to improve his costume–while he was wearing it. Why would you take off the pants and cut them when you’ve got a surgeon handy?
Figure G was suffering from an acute case of functioning-as-designed until Dr. O got a hold of it. Now, what used to be a coaster that could slide onto the bottom of a wine glass is simply an orange piece of fabric with clashing purple suture hanging off of it.
I have no explanation for this one.
Dr. O also enjoys dissecting and repairing fruit–particularly bananas. More than once I have discovered half of a banana in the refrigerator with weird purple wires sprouting from the skin. While I don’t have photo evidence for this one, believe me: it makes an already disgusting fruit all the more repulsive. Let’s just hope he continues to stick to the inanimate objects in our house.